"Tootsie Pop" Rant

This will probably be the most irrelevant entry ever. You have had warning, so continue reading... if you dare... that was a lame attempt at a joke, for which I apologize.

I am most certain everyone who reads this has seen (or at least knows of) the "Tootsie Pop" commercials, where an adolescent is in search of the answer to the question "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a 'Tootsie Pop'?" First he encounters a turtle that does not know the answer, but he politely points him in the direction of the wise old owl. Upon finding the owl, he pops the BIG question ("How many licks does it take to get to the center of a 'Tootsie Pop'?"), the owl promptly takes the "Tootsie Pop" in question and begins licking and counting. However, the owl only licks 3 times before giving up and devouring the remaining "Tootsie Pop" and then tells the adolescent that it takes 3 licks to reach the center. Then the ominous voice-over guy utters the famous words, "The world may never know."

I have always had a problem with that commercial. There was just something that irked me so about it. I could never quite put my finger on it (i just figured I hated the owl for not sincerely trying to count how many licks it would take to reach the center), but I have come up with some reasons. Here they are:

1.) The freaking adolescent has the "Tootsie Pop" along with that question burned into his brain for some odd reason, yet instead of finding out for himself, he turns to animals for the answer. Animals cannot communicate with humans using language... stupid.

2.) The turtle (apparently thought wise enough by the kid to answer his queery) doesn't show that he has any brains whatsoever. He is an old turtle that doesn't seem to be portrayed as being healthy (or happy for that matter). He should have taken the candy basically being handed to him by the dumb kid, eaten it while counting licks, and died happily. However, now the turtle is probably dead and never knew the sweet taste of a "Tootsie Pop"... stupid turtle.

3.) The owl is evil (it seems that "Tootsie Pop" advertisers stole a page out of Jesus' parables, by using birds as a picture of evil). The owl completely takes advantage of an all-too-trusting child (albeit a dumb child). He never really tries to get to the bottom of the question at hand, he just eats it as fast as he can and then hands the lollipopless stick back to the kid... evil, dumb owl.

4.) the commercial contributed to obesity in children (before you disregard that last statement, hear me out... or read me out, whatever is the correct phrase for blogging), though it was in a somewhat round-about way. The child is too lazy to eat the candy that he has, obesity in children is due to inactivity (though, an obese child would probably eat a "Tootsie Pop" faster than you could say, "Dang, that kid ate that candy fast!!!") . That is how I feel the commercial contributed to childhood obesity. He doesn't do anything on his own, he seeks out others for help. Inactivity can lead to larger than normal children which is worse than how the kid in the commercial ended up (sad and with an empty lollipop stick more than likely covered in owl saliva).

None of the characters in the commercial are worthy of cheering for: the child is dumb and lazy, the turtle is slow (not just speed-wise, but thinking-wise as well, and the owl is basically satan in fowl form. Plus, the message it sends out is awful (though it might be a better idea as a parent to feed animals candy than to give your 2-year-old 5 pancakes, plus hashbrowns, plus french-toast, and giving them a chocolate shake to wash it all down with). The last point is kind of a catch-22, in that the kid is lazy, but also seems to be exhibiting an adequate diet. It might be better than a lazy kid who eats the "Tootsie Pop" without even counting how many licks...